UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
