So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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