I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize