he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
