My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My feet surprised me
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