This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
