God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
