Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
