Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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