why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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