omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize