I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this will be a night to untag.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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