He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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