Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
