If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
