I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
