she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
