and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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