Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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