I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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