In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
