you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
