why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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