I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.