she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.