dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.