It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.