I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
