I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
