Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
