We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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