Already got asked if we're dating
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
