is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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