This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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