I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
