It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Semen is not good for contacts.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
