woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize