I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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