Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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