The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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