I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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