she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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