Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
