Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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