my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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