..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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