Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
