I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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