: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
