I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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