i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
