Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
