I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
