sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
