the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
