I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
