i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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