i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
