he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize