My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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