Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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