My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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